“You will never pet your dog again.” I think that’s all people hear when I explain how emotional dependency affects their dogs with unwanted behaviors. Some of us are using our dogs as our therapists.

You might be thinking you’re “soothing” your dog while he cries at that vet visit. Logically, we do that with humans. When you pet your anxious dog, you’re communicating that you like the barking or whining behavior. You get what you pet.

Some dogs can handle affection overload without consequences. The average family pet dog cannot handle the dependency without behavioral training. Notice I did not mention obedience training. A sit or place command won’t fix the mindset issue until you fix the mindset and relationship deficit.

The human default is petting and touching dogs consistently. Unintentionally, teaching the dog to be addicted to touching, presence, and inability to cope alone. For example, when you leave or walk away, your dog’s mindset is unstable.

I am home all day boarding and training dogs. I give affection and sometimes sleep in bed with one of my dogs. Why doesn’t my dog struggle with unwanted behaviors?

It is because of what I do share as a whole. I am referring to the every day (seemingly not important) moments. I share a training balance of yes and no with my dogs. No to bad behaviors. I offer a balance with perceived fun things like roaming privileges, couch time, indoor playing, and sleeping together. Yes, to rules and accurately sharing consequences for rule-breaking. Again if your dog is displaying unwanted behaviors not limited to the ones listed below, then you have an accountability balance to check.

What are those moments? The everyday moments when you’re not actively doing training sessions with your dog, and you’re still sending a message. These moments relay whether you can be pushed around, bamboozled, or respected. They often know these moments better than you do.

1. Free-roaming
2. Pulling you on walks
3. Whining for everything, especially when you leave sight
4. Allowance of constant barking
5. Begging for food
5. Unsupervised in the yard
6. Allowed nonsense in the crate
7. Touching/petting the dog in moments of stress and expected performance ( like at the vet)
8. Door bolting
9. Pushy or possessive behavior
10. Running away when called

I want to start the conversation of why the lack of boundaries? You’re in or can potentially be in a relationship where you give everything to make the other “happy,” yet you expect nothing in return and accept the bad behavior from your dog. Would you agree to that dynamic from a human relationship?

Teamwork usually depends on both parties doing their part. Dogs with poor behavior need help to navigate the human world. It is up to you to supply equal amounts of regulation as you do the “soft stuff.” Some dogs will always need a high level of management, or they fall apart. I invite you to explore how emotional balance can help your dog versus feeling like that balance is taking something away from you. If you come out on the other side winning, you’ll see how you and your dog have been granted even more freedom and inclusion than before.